Moderate atheists claim anti-theist Chapel Hill killer took The God Delusion ‘out of context’

Moderate atheists claim anti-theist Chapel Hill killer took The God Delusion ‘out of context’

Atheist clergy defensively condemns Chapel Hill attack

Chapel Hill: Outraged and visibly defensive over ‘a blatant terrorist’ sharing the same ideological identity as them, atheists all over the world have claimed that self-proclaimed anti-theist Craig Stephen Hicks has nothing to do with atheism. Hicks has been accused of taking The God Delusion out of context, while many atheists have excommunicated him from the realm of atheism, claiming that ‘no true atheist could have done that’.

Hicks who murdered three innocent Muslims chanting ‘No God is great’, and ‘I will guard the sanctity of Richard Dawkins’ has been arrested and charged with murder. Atheists, and anti-theists, reiterated that the killing had nothing to do with atheism.

“Atheism is a non-religion of peace,” a leading member of the US atheist clergy said while talking to Khabaristan Times. “Richard Dawkins would not approve of this cold-blooded murder,” he added.

Militant atheist group Sipah-e-Dawkins – Hicks was a member of which – cited Dawkin’s The God Delusion and Christopher Hitchens’ (May he rest in peace) God Is Not Great to justify how the murders were strictly according to atheistic scriptures. Moderate atheist clergy has, however, rubbished these claims adding that the holy scriptures have been taken ‘out of context’.

“Chapter three, verse 14 of The God Delusion is only applicable in a state of war,” said a member of atheist clergy from France. “Only the literal interpretation of God Is Not Great, might suggest that the text claims that God is not great. We moderates believe in a metaphorical interpretation and know it for a fact that both Dawkins and Hitchens (May he rest in peace) did not promote a lack of belief in God,” he added.

“Only the literalists and militant atheists could claim such a thing.”

German moderate atheist clergy echoed the sentiments of their French counterparts.

“The Holy God Delusion and The Holy God Is Not Great are not against God,” a German moderate atheist cleric clarified. “As the moderate atheist clergy it is our duty to highlight that atheism does not promote antagonism towards God. And in fact someone who believes in God can call himself an atheist as well.”

We tried to reach the local Pakistani atheist community for apologies on the heinous crime committed in the name of their non-religion, but failed to contact any individual among the recently touted 10 million strong atheist community who was willing to talk to Khabaristan Times on record. Just like atheists around the globe, Pakistani atheists seem to be having trouble reconciling their moderate viewpoints with the radical ideas that atheistic scriptures propagate.

This has been touted as a major reason behind the growing number of people self-identifying as ex-atheists secretly, possibly dodging the apostasy punishment that has been endorsed in The God Delusion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • aliamjadrizvi

    This is so %^&*ing GENIUS. Dying to know who wrote it. Kudos to you, sir/ma’am.

  • Eric Youngstrom

    HUH?!

  • Botyfltiger Edwards

    The “holy book” the god delusion? is this satire? And what does the chapter 3 verse 14 actually state?

    • RenDP

      Yes, it’s satire.

  • I get why this is funny, but there’s two key differences: 1) atheists, moderate or otherwise, don’t revere ‘The God Delusion’ as a Holy Book, and 2) ‘The God Delusion’ doesn’t actually say to go kill the believers. Contrast the believers who really do revere a Holy Book, which really does say all the nasty things that their extremists get off on.

  • I can’t tell: is this from The Onion?

  • melora

    “Athiest Clergy?” What atheist want to be or have a clergy?

  • Rez™

    Hilarious. 🙂

  • mksharma62

    There are and cannot be any scriptures for atheists. Only so many explanatory books by so many writers and Dawkins or Hitchens or whoever may be is not and cannot be any prophet of atheism. Atheism is no religion or non-religion. Because many people foolishly call some unknown force or material as God and attribute all magical powers to him or her, rational and intelligent persons with scientific outlook and method declare that they don’t think such imaginary God etc. exists and they don’t believe in any God or gods and goddesses. They just try to understand, and promote that understanding of, the universe, earth and people.

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  • Patrick M.

    Hitchens (May he rest in peace) … he he he

  • No Fear

    I knew an atheist suicide bomber. He strapped a copy of “Origin of Species” to his chest and blew himself up for the cause.

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